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Alliance unveils Canadian asylum program for disgruntled American voters

Does the thought of voting for either political party’s “presumptive favorite” for President of the United States turn your stomach?

Are you worried that no matter who gets elected this November, he or she will put the nation on a fast track to nowhere?

Are you wondering how out of a population of 350 million people these are the best candidates we can come up with to lead the most powerful nation in the world?

Would you prefer to sit out this election and return to the U.S. when some degree of sanity is restored to the political process?

The Alliance has the answer for you!

Thanks to a unique partnership with the Alliance’s Canadian-domiciled member societies and the Canadian Embassy, Alliance member society executives attending next month’s Executive Summit in Toronto will have the opportunity to seek political asylum in Canada – the nation right next door with a much larger land mass and far fewer people. More importantly, Canada recently elected its Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, after a campaign of only 87 days!

canadian flag

Fun fact:  Trudeau was a former ski instructor, bouncer, and teacher (although we’re not sure if he was ever a member of Teacher’s Life, one of the Alliance’s Canadian-domiciled societies). Interestingly enough, when Richard Nixon met with Pierre Trudeau he apparently held up ‘baby Justin’ and introduced him as the future Prime Minister, thus making Justin the last candidate in history to win with a Nixon endorsement…

While we can’t offer asylum to your societies’ other employees, we’re confident that you’ll be able to run your organizations from a spot north of the 49th parallel. I mean, if Mafia dons successfully ran the Gambino crime family from a federal penitentiary, shouldn’t you be able to manage your operations from a friendly country just across the Niagara River?

I know, you’re probably concerned about your family? But ask yourself, “would you really miss them?” (Be honest.) And if you would, Canada has some incredible spots for family vacations – Banff, Lake Louise, Quebec City, Halifax. Remember, you’re not going away forever (unlike the aforementioned dons.) I’m willing to bet that the next President is strictly a one-termer – and may be impeached before then (especially if he’s found to actually be a Canadian)! So by 2020, you’ll be back in your corner office with four years of “international business experience” added to your LinkedIn profile.

While all Executive Summit attendees are invited to apply for asylum, the program is limited and the qualifications are steep. First of all, you have to be nice. If you’ve never visited Canada, that’s the first thing you’ll notice – everyone is nice. A love for hockey is a prerequisite, as is a passing knowledge of French. You’ll also need to believe in your heart of hearts that Canada won the War of 1812 (in which the opponent was…the U.S.).

To prepare you for the Canadian Embassy’s asylum examination, we strongly suggest you review this video and be prepared to answer questions about what it means to be a Canadian.

So I’m sure you’re interested in applying for the program now, eh? Just click here for more information and to download the application.


6 Responses

  1. Well done! Thank you!

  2. Great post Joe! After spending six years working in Toronto with my fraternal brethren at Foresters, I wholeheartedly agree that Canadians are wonderful, and a 4-year asylum would be a refreshing respite from our politics in the U.S.!

  3. Just make sure all you potential ex-pats continue to get paid in U.S. dollars because the exchange rate makes living in Canada very attractive. Plus, you can get Cuban cigars RIGHT NOW!

  4. Great Post Joe!

  5. With all due respect to our friends to the North, I’ll pass. Despite what our current President would have you believe, this is still the greatest country in the world (and the long standing home of Lord Stanley’s Cup). Go Wild!! 🙂

  6. Joe, I heard the Canadians are going to build a wall before the election to keep immigrants out….

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